I haven’t written because

A merciful friend offered me a temporary room.  I am catching up on sleeping. Other low rent ideas are coming a way.  I received a scholarship to coursework so I will be away for a month.  I also want to write about having no memories about chunks of my childhood and early adult life, hyper vigilance, forgetting, triggers, defensiveness, and acting differently because of a different childhood.  I want to write about how strong we are, contrary to those who think we can snap out of it.  I want to write about how my situation, and I am sure that I am not the only one, has had PTSD that is so deep and acute that it resisted EMDR, and 2 sessions of Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing plummeted me into a severe depression and some psychotic or psychotic like episodes.  I want to write that the mentally ill need to be in a safe place to get well, and they shouldn’t have to work for a safe place as that can make us worse.

I want to write but I need to rest.  I need for now not to jumble up my mind stuff for now.  I am catching up on sleep after sleeping only 2 to 3 hours a night for 4 months.  I didn;t know that my roommate was smoking crystal meth in a transitional mental health housing so I am still taking time to reset my body.  My rashes are almost gone, I still have dark red spots though, and my body still mildly itches.  it is possible that the meth bugs activated shingles.  I haven’t gone back to the therapist and doctors as the psychiatrist  didn’t fix their mistakes to get me safer housing and the doctor blew off the rashes as some kind of detergent or soap allergy. the mentally ill and ways that he will advocate for me but not for housing.  He wouldn’t speak to the psychiatrist about changing her mistake……There is a pun in there .  The therapist is the rapist.  He makes an income from  I am not back in physical therapy.  Its like rape to me.  My homelessness his benefit.  The rest is helping the bodily pain greatly

I am back to art life.  Its non stop.  It is a lot of work and can be nerve wrecking before showing new work, but I have gotten great response.  My healing comes from working very hard and focused for great results.  It is possible that so much as healed because my art practice is negating my attention seeking lazy parents, who did not want to make art, but wanted attention.  They wanted glamour, I want to always make work that people want to see.  I also want to one up myself every time.  My approach to art is not necesarry but it helps.  It keeps me happy during the creative process.


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