I am still exhausted and am trying to rest as much as possible. I am back to write that I am very grateful for getting a commision. This is the first, I hope and anticipate of more. I should not feel guilty for my successes, I worked very hard. I work on my technical skills, as well as the content of my work. i also think things through. I also leaned before I was an artist, from people in bands, that it is always the right thing to treat people very well, especially if your work is edgy.
I realize that I am privileged for having Social Security payments, even if it is not enough to even pay rent. But people around me who judge me (not many know that I am on disablity) dont understand that they had the privilege of not being beaten up every day by their parents, not having herniated discs due to violence from parents when they were elementary school aged, not being hated and exploited and raped by parents and not being sexually harassed at work. Not having a mental illness that is debilitating is also a privilege.
I am practicing gratitude and trying to embrace my not typical neuro psychology to make unique works and to be on the boat of beings that are trying to help heal the earth and humanity