Am I going to die soon?

My friend told me on Monday that I told him in a dream : “We wont see each other for a while” and we said goodbye.  It just hit me its (Wednesday night) that it may mean that I will die soon.  I started crying.  I do not feel terror, and if it is sadness, I am sad because I will miss my friend.  I meditated.  I realized that I will be sad if I cannot see my friend for a while, whether I move away, travel or die.  But I realized that I am also happy if I die or not.  I have made works that gave me a sense of existance, where before I was a professional artist, I only felt fear and pain and anger and sadness.  I had experiences to escape these states, but they were not real. I accomplished a lot and I survived a lot.  I was able to love.  the schizotypal ex boyfriend loves me and loved me.  He is cares about my well being.  My friend who said I said goodbye in a dream loves me too. He has a dissociative disorder and has or had another person in him ( I have not seen that other person in years, and I think he made a lot of progress).  So I have been loved and have loved too.  I also appreciate nature, have frienships with animals, have skills like divination and insight and was able to teach a class of children where people thought it was impossible.

So whether I die soon or travel, or move away, I am happy.  I am happy to live and am also happy to release life.


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