I was writing to a friend about meeting the right people.   Its also about not associating with the wrong people.  I am editing amateurish artists who are lazy and narcissistic people who take and do not give; who abuse people they need constant things, favors, and reasurance from.

When I started to get psychotic episodes after the administration of EMDR about 13 years ago, people who I tutored in their college subjects for free, younger people who were ostracised in their schools who I encouraged and helped, and others who I helped promote their business, introduced to the right people to expand their artistic careers, and I had helped when I was working and they were not: they all abandoned me.  They took and then judged and did not help me when I was sick and needed help with rent or housing.  I am starting to see how I am stronger than them.

I did not get homeless and sick because I am weak.  I had a warped sense of self and still have things to work through.  That happens when a person is raised to be a prostitute before they can walk,  and forced to do naked dances or panty dances before they know the alphabet.  People who grow up being called a human ashtray and beaten every day except for in campsites around where we stayed in a tent in different states, as my narcissistic parents were very good at hiding their violence.  When adults that were supposed to protect children, the people of a nation who are supposed to enforce laws , fail at their functions, people get warped (see earlier post about child protection, immigration offices, and teachers)

I did not get homeless because I did not work hard, in fact, I had such good work ethics and a high IQ that I was bullied at my recent jobs.  I read recently that people do not want people of color and  ethnicities that they hate to get ahead.  I used to have a hard time seeing this kind of thing because the human ashtray thing must have permeated my being.  It makes sense now the term “the word became flesh”:

Please, if you know people who are homeless, hungry, and mentally ill, please leave them alone if you can not help.  Better to abandon them then to re abuse them.  Do not tell them that the system will help.  It may but my experience was different.  I see people on social media posting articles about how it takes a village to raise a child, and other articles about how alienated we are and we have lost our sense of community but do not help anyone and close themselves from people like me.  Everybody on the streets and who are hungry, mentally ill, or in pain has a reason for being there.  These days I have serious arm pain from injuries.  I have herniated discs, beaking (calcification on the back of my spine) and nerve issues.  Some people have been very compassionate but some people have written comments like “what there is no way that chiropractic cannot fix anything”.  When I explain that 4 years of chiropractic visits, many acupuncture visits, and physical therapy, my physical issues with being thrown into walls and body slammed and beaten every day (except for when there were people staying very close by), were not fixed by therapies that helped them, I am told that I have to “be strong”.

I only console myself by saying that they are weak and are frustrated amateur artists; they are not content.  How else do I deal with this? Please leave a comment if you have any advice.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s