I am watching a series on Netflix because a contact posted about it in Facebook.  It just hit me.  People will say don’t get emotional get

“Don’t get emotional I just asked how you got the injuries”

“Don’t get emotional I just said that you are middle class, it doesn’t mean you have middle class money, but my daughter didn’t get into the school you went to”

“Don’t get emotional it happened a long time ago”

Research is saying that PTSD is a physical neurological response.  I am already starting to see on my own that I was able to dance professionally though I started training late because my brain is more animal than human.

I am seeing that I was able to fake emotions and sympathy but that it is different from my mother’s narcissistic fakeness, I am not insatiable like her; she was never content, and always trying to “win” by making others miserable and by covering it up.  I have at least been able to be content and okay with tastes of joy and know that it is impermanent.

I would like to be cared for.  I don’t know if anyone ever did I get judged a lot, people have said they care when they want something for me, and they tell me what to do without listnening and then they say that they are only trying to help after they did a lot of damage by retraumatizing me with their judgement



These are not emotions as they identify.  A combination of the reptilian fight or flight and my not being allowed to have feelings was my reaction.


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