Social Darwinism has been going on for a long time in the United States. I am now living in a group house that started as a collective and is in the process of going through changes. The rent is cheap, and it is a few hours by public transportation to the city I was born in. At this house some people are outraged and upset that Donald Trump won the elections. As a person of color that was born to undocumented immigrants in 1970, I tried to communicate to them that this has been going on for a long time. Racism, classism, misogyny and oppression. The white people said that these evils will be allowed now. If I tell them that it had been allowed, they will argue back, pretend not to hear, or say that it will get worse. The privileged do not listen to the underprivileged because they want to believe that they deserve what they have, accomplished what they did through hard work and not privilege. I experienced classism and racism since I was born. I experienced racism and classism during the Jimmy Carter years.
I posted a lot in the winter of 2014 and 2015 and fell off. I have saved drafts and notebooks with posts that I started. I am still in the process of sleeping off the crystal meth poisoning sleep deprivation; the facts about my life are painful to regurgitate and write about. I wrote a lot when I was breathing second hand crystal meth (thinking it was marijuana and K-2 as I do not use drugs, I was not able to know what I was smelling) because I was high. I got a lot done, wrote a lot without becoming emotional, had an off the books job, slept 1 hour or none per night, and had a tiny waist and danced for dance companies while living in that corrupt supportive housing program. Please refer to my posts from the winter of 2014-2015.
In this post, I would like to write a few samples of how I was directly affected by racism and fascism.
I was sexually abused since I was a small child. I acted out sexually as a small child. I made boys cry when I touched their groins and penises, and followed them into the toilets to look at their penises. I upset them when pointed to their penises and asked them “What is that?” and laugh. I was just doing what home life was except for with boy penises instead of my father’s penis. I would touch my genital parts over my clothes in playgrounds, while doing tricks on the monkey bars, swings, or the slides. My mother told me not to play with my vagina in the park, only at home. In 1st grade I did a plough pose and touched my private area (I distinctly remember wearing a greasy feeling and warm indoors but cold wind pass through and creaky feeling 1970’s thick synthetic tights with a short skirt) while sitting in a circle in music class on the carpet (1970’s open classroom experiments). I was trying to please the teacher, and this behavior was encouraged at home. The music teacher told me that was wrong and dirty and for me not to do that again, and gave me an icy blue eyed stare.
I got in trouble for my behavior towards boys as well.
This is one example of the racist, classist injustice I experienced in my nursery and early elementary school days. Nobody ever asked me if I was touched by my parents. Nobody ever asked who taught me how to touch boy’s penises, or demand to see their genitals. I was just the poor immigrants’ daughter with cheap, dirty clothes. I wore the same things all the time because I had none. I had maybe 1 t shirt, some tank tops, one pants, one or two skirts, and one pair of shoes. I was poor and a child of color and protection from sexual abuse was not a concern. I was not worth protecting, or asking what is going on. I was also punished for something that I was told to do. I was an inner city child of color. I was too dirty and poor and different, not of my own doing to be deserving of being in a safe home.
I have a draft of 2 more examples of my life in a racist classist USA but I am actually tired from typing this.
I will post the rest soon. Thank you for your readership and your follows.